Friday, January 12, 2007 | 9:10 PM

Truth is...

What you going to read might not be making any sense.
All are typed in random order cuz...
Jaz is very emotionally upset now.

She's crying very hard now...
Like the rain that never seems to stop since yesterday.
She admits she's never a mature person, she can't handle things around her.
She can't handle things tat comes along with growing old.
Responsibility, future planning, financial, living with people, etc.
In short, this thing call Life.

She's pampered girl who refuses to grow up.
She knows she already have a rather good life.
She dun have the right to complain or talk about stress
Cuz' there are even more sad people out there without food & shelter.
She dun have the right to cry over such minor things.
She's not fit to.

But even living in her own pampered world,
she doesn't know what she wants.
What kind of future to plan?
A lonely life or growing old with a partner?
Well, she can't even handle living alone
What's more living with one more person?
Subconsciously, Jaz feels she's better off being a hermit.
She can't deal with people well.
She can't deal with a lot of things.
She can't deal with life.

Can this because of her lonely child/teenhood?
She never grew up the healthy way?
She doesn't have a strong 'life' foundation?
Why is she having grudges about life now?
Why does she see the problems & not do anything?
Why does she choose to remain stagnant?
Why is she burying all her sadness?
Why is she acting strong?
What is wrong?

And because of her own problems, she dragged down a guy.
On the contrary, she couldn't promise him a future.
Hence, he dun have a goal to pursue.
He silently accompanies Jaz as she rots her life away...
..while time quietly slips by.
Every time Jaz blames herself, he warmly comforts her it's ok.
He just pampered her like that.
:(

Jaz is sorry she's a late bloomer, or perhaps never will bloom.
Causing problems around her.
Disrupting the nature cycle of life.
Upsetting virtues and morality.

She feels extremely sad.
This is the kinda sadness that she holds in her heart.
The one that she kept inside her since her teens years.
The kind she wishes to bury & pretend nothing happen at all.

She's trapped in her emotions.
She has never moved on for so many years.
Stubborn foolish Jaz.

:(((